Equal and Opposite Reaction
by Molly Larch
Summary: Literati. They thought getting back together was the hardest part. They were wrong. Follows Because Nature Favors Disorder.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Notes: And so begins the sequel to Because Nature Favors Disorder. Do you have to read that to get this story? Probably not, as I did actually start writing this one first, and did complete quite a bit of it before starting BNFD. But if you haven't already read BNFD, I'd be thrilled if you did and dropped me a review. That said, I hope Equal and Opposite Reaction is received as warmly as its predecessor.

I know this first chapter is a bit short. Think of it as a prologue . . . we're just setting the stage here.

Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with Gilmore Girls, the WB, or any other companies involved in the show's production. But if they happen to be hiring . . . I am so willing to move it's not even funny. I also have nothing to do with Tom Petty, who's songs are providing chapter titles once again.

* * *

Chapter One: Somewhere Out My Doorway

The sun poured in the curtainless window warming Jess's bare back. He groaned and buried his head under a pillow. He didn't want to wake up. Waking up would mean that he would have nothing to do but think. To think thoughts that he didn't want to have. Unfortunately, the sun was relentless, and he was already awake. The thoughts came unbidden anyway.

Rory had called last night, but that was only the trigger to the thoughts. They actually extended back further. Four years back to be honest about it. Four years ago he had left her to come out here to California and try to understand his father. Four years ago he left Rory because he decided that, even though he loved her and the idea of being apart was hard to bear, he had to figure out how to be the type of man she deserved and not one that made her cry. After one awkward and not at all thought out letter, some strained initial calls, and a few agonizing months of no contact at all, they had settled into a long distance friendship punctuated by two very memorable visits. It wasn't the relationship they had in Stars Hollow, at times it wasn't even a pale shadow of the rockiest parts of that relationship, but he was grateful that she'd forgiven his harsh departure and allowed him to remain a part of her life in any capacity.

Her last visit had been almost two months ago, and he had had some news for her. He was finishing up the community college courses he had been attending out here, and he was thinking of moving back to New York to give an actual university a try. He had gotten to know his father better, they were actually something close to friends now, but Jess missed New York. Missed the noise and the speed and the excitement. And he missed Rory. She was about to finish up at Yale, and graduate school was looking like it was going to be her next step. Jess hadn't known at the time, but she was looking seriously at schools in New York as well. When she had told him that, his heart had leapt.

In the four years that they had been apart, they had each been in what most people would have termed a serious relationship, spending months with people that had loved them with out realizing that both Rory and Jess still belonged to each other. Once the one sided natures of those relationships had been noticed by the other people involved, they'd ended abruptly, and neither Jess or Rory entered another relationship after that . . . until they'd decided to give each other another try. Initially it had been a very long distance relationship, sharing phone calls and letters, but that had all changed when Rory'd surprised Jess by showing up unannounced at Jimmy and Sasha's one night. It had been awkward at first, Rory behaving alternately shy and seductive and Jess trying to keep up with her rapidly fluctuating moods, but once they'd found their comfort zones again, there wasn't any keeping them apart. They held hands when they walked, couldn't help but lean against each other when sitting around his apartment together, and felt no shame in stealing kisses on the sidewalk or ducking into doorways to give them freely. And at night . . . at night they had made love like it was about to be declared illegal, and they had to satisfy each other before that happened. It had been over three years since they had slept together during her incredibly emotional first visit to California, but neither one had forgotten the places that made the other sigh or cry out in pleasure. Jess had never been so content, and he was actually counting the days until he returned to New York like a little kid waiting for Christmas.

However, last night something had changed. Rory called, she had been with increasing frequency since her last visit, but she had sounded different. There was a distance in her voice, and Jess thought he had heard her start to cry softly before she ended her call. He knew there was something that she needed to tell him, but she seemed afraid to do it over the phone, and he hadn't figured out a way to get her to tell him before she had abruptly ended the call. In that moment he understood how he had made her feel years ago, all racing heart and racing thoughts. It was horrible, and he hated the boy he'd been all over again.

He had been left alone to think about all the possibilities of what she had wanted to tell him. Unfortunately, the only one that seem plausible to him was that she had met someone else. Their extended weekend together had been a mistake for her, and she was trying to find a way to let him down easily. Jess imagined the type of man that could have taken her away from him. A proper, blue-blooded Yalie that her grandparents would approve of, that they might have even introduced her to. His name would be something silly and old family like Percy or Blaine, but everyone would call him Scooter or Chipper. He'd be a doctor or a lawyer or have an MBA. He'd never let her be the foreign correspondent she still wanted to be. He'd want Rory to stay at home and be a proper society wife, join the DAR like her grandmother, and drink tea. She'd be miserable, but Jess couldn't think of a way to stop it. He had no money, a GED, some community college credits, and only vague plans for the future. And he couldn't possibly compete with her grandmother's wrath if he tired to break things up. That woman was a well groomed demon with no concept of mercy.

Jess was about to will himself back to sleep to dream of breaking up a marriage between Rory and Chipper, like the end of _The Graduate_ but bloodier, when the phone rang. He wanted to ignore it, but something in his gut tugged at him. It was important that he take this call.

Dragging himself out of bed, he crossed the room and snatched the phone from its cradle. "Yeah?"

"Jess? Jess, it's Luke." He sounded nervous and fidgety. Luke was never fidgety.

"Yeah, I figured that out. What's going on?"

A deep breath shuddered over the phone. "Jess, I think you need to come back here. Something's happened . . ."

The bottom dropped out of Jess's stomach. "What, Luke? Did something happen to Rory?"

"How did you . . . never mind. Look, Lorelai just took Rory to the hospital. I don't know what's going on, but you need to get back here."

"Luke, you do know something else. What's going on? What's happened to her?" Jess was now pacing the room and trying to figure out how much money he had to spare for a plane ticket back to Connecticut earlier than he'd planned on buying one.

"Jess, I really don't know what's going on. Rory was home staying with Lorelai for the weekend. They came in this afternoon for lunch like they always do. I went into the kitchen, and the next thing I knew Rory was on the floor, doubled over and crying in pain, and Lorelai was screaming for me, and . . . God, Jess I don't know. I helped get Rory into the car, and she just kept crying and whimpering your name over and over. Lorelai hasn't called to tell me what's going on, but I just have this feeling that you have to get back here."

"Okay, okay." Jess was rushing around his tiny apartment throwing things into a bag. "I have to call work, and Jimmy, and the airport. I'll get there somehow and as soon as I can. I'll call you when I get a flight."

Luke cut in, "Jess, can you afford a ticket on such short notice? Do you need me to wire you some money or something?"

"No. No, I should be able to scrape it up. I was saving up to come out there in a couple of weeks anyway. I'm still a little short, but I'll figure it out." A frightening thought hit Jess, and he stopped still in the middle of the apartment. "Luke, you don't think she'll . . ." his voice cracked and he couldn't ask the question.

"God, no, Jess! Don't start thinking like that. She'll be okay. Just keep saying that."

Jess nodded dumbly even though Luke couldn't see him. "Right. Look, I should get on trying to get a flight. Call me if you hear anything?"

"I will. Listen, do you want me to tell her you're coming if I get to speak to her?"

Jess thought for a moment. "No," he finally decided. "No, don't tell her." He didn't want her to know he was coming if she was only going to tell him to turn around before he got to her.

Luke made a frustrated noise but didn't argue. "Okay, Jess. I'll talk to you soon."

"Yeah. Bye, Luke." Jess hung up before his uncle could say anything else and then sat on the edge of his bed and wept silently.

* * *

Eight hours later, Jess found himself on a plane landing in Hartford. The ticket hadn't cost as much as he'd expected, but it was still a lot. He was twitching his fingers against the arm of his seat and willing the plane to land faster. Luke was waiting for him at the gate. The last time they'd talked, Luke had said that he didn't know anything else about Rory, but like last night, Jess knew things were being kept from him. And like last night, he was assuming the worst.

He'd thought his fears were about to be confirmed when he saw Luke standing there, looking grim and ashen. Jess must have looked ill or about to faint, because Luke quickly grabbed his arm to steady him. "She's okay, Jess. She's gonna be fine."

"What's wrong with her?"

Luke sighed, "I don't think it's my place to tell you, Jess. She's got to do that herself."

Jess raked a hand angrily though his hair. "Why is it that suddenly no one is telling me anything? Last night it was Rory keeping things from me, and now it's you."

"You talked to Rory last night?" Luke sounded surprised. They were now walking outside to the truck.

"Yeah. She wasn't herself though. She had something to tell me, but she wouldn't. Like she was afraid of what would happen if she did."

Luke started the truck. "Maybe she was," he muttered.

Jess slammed a fist into the dashboard. "Damn it! Would someone just tell me what the hell is going on? I'm twenty-three years old! I can take it, and I'm tired of being in the dark!"

"She had a miscarriage, Jess!" Luke was clutching the steering wheel with white knuckles as he guided them through traffic toward Stars Hollow. "She was pregnant, and she had a miscarriage."

Jess sat silently, trying to process what he'd just been told. He felt flushed and sick. He asked the first question that popped into his head. "How pregnant was she?"

"Doctor said about six weeks."

Spots swam in front of Jess's eyes. It had either been his baby, or there had already been someone else on the horizon for her when she'd been with him in California. "Pull over," he gasped.

Luke looked at him sharply, but when he saw how pale Jess was, he pulled to the side of the road quickly and stopped. They were close to Stars Hollow now, and road was mostly deserted. Luke watched as Jess scrambled down the small grassy embankment next to the road and threw up in the long weeds.

A few minutes later, when his stomach finally stopped heaving, Jess climbed quietly back in the truck. He leaned his head against the cool glass of the window while Luke started driving again.

Finally Jess spoke again, "Did she say who . . . I mean, was she seeing someone here, or . . ." He didn't think it was that likely an option, but with the way she'd been behaving on the phone, he had to ask.

Luke looked at Jess strangely. "You don't know?"

"Know what?"

"Jess, you're the only man Rory's ever . . ."

Surprise thundered through Jess. "But I thought she'd been dating at Yale. There were other guys after me . . . what about Sigmund?"

"I guess they never . . ." Luke swallowed hard. "Lorelai told me once that Rory told her you were the only one she'd ever been with. She couldn't . . . do that . . . with anyone else because she was still in love with you. That was right before she went to see you the last time."

It had been his baby then. There was no Chipper or Scooter or anyone else. He felt frustrated, foolish, and most of all frightened. Jess sighed and tried to calm his racing heart. "The last time I saw her, I told her I was moving back to New York. She was so happy; WE were so happy that week." A tear slipped down Jess's cheek. "I'm still in love with her, too." Quiet loomed in the truck again. "I thought, when she called last night, that she was going to tell me it was all a mistake. I had no idea she was...why didn't she want to tell me?"

"I didn't tell her you were coming," was the only answer Luke had for Jess. They pulled up in front of the Gilmore home. "She's here now. The hospital let her go home right before I went to pick you up. They gave her something to help her sleep tonight, so I don't know if she'll be able to talk to you."

Jess laughed bitterly. "You assume she wants to talk to me. She might not want to see me at all."

Luke reached out and placed a hand on Jess's shoulder. "She'll want to see you. She needs you right now, Jess. You can't let her push you away, even is she tries."

Jess didn't want to think about that. "What about Lorelai?" he asked. "How much does she hate me right now?"

"She doesn't hate you."

"You so sure about that? I knocked up her daughter and then let her go through losing the baby alone."

"Lorelai just wants Rory to feel better. She knows that you didn't know Rory was pregnant." Luke reached across Jess and opened the door. "Just go inside."

Jess sat for a moment longer before leaving the truck and climbing onto the porch. He raised a shaking hand to knock, but the door opened before he could complete the action.

"Hey, kid," Lorelai said quietly. "Come on in." She ushered Jess into the living room and took the bag he didn't remember grabbing out of truck from his hand.

"Where is she?" Jess asked quietly. "Can I see her?"

Lorelai bit her lip. "She's sleeping right now. Jess, sit down." She led him to the couch and sat next to him. "Rory's really upset. She hadn't told anyone here that she was pregnant."

"She hadn't told me either."

"I know. She wanted to tell you last night, but she couldn't."

Jess shook his head. "I don't know why." He looked a Lorelai with pleading eyes. "Why couldn't she tell me? I love her so much. I never stopped. Why couldn't she tell me?" He started to cry, and Lorelai gathered him into a hug without even thinking about it.

"I don't know, Jess. I just don't know." She smoothed Jess's hair and let him cry silently into her shoulder. When he stopped and pulled away from her, she gave him a few minutes to compose himself before speaking. "She's in her room. I doubt she'll wake up before morning, but why don't you go sit with her anyway?"

Jess didn't answer but walked silently to Rory's room. The door was cracked open, and he could see her laying there. She looked so small and fragile. He slipped quietly into the room and sat in the old chair that was still at the foot of her bed. He remembered the last time he watched her sleep. It was back in his apartment with her head on his shoulder and her hand resting over his heart. He remembered the smooth skin of her back under his palms and the soft puffing of her breath against his bare chest, and he wondered if she would ever sleep that way with him again.

* * *

Author's Notes the Second: I understand that some might feel Jess has slipped a bit out of character here, but remember it's an emotional situation and everybody's wound tightly. He won't stay fluffy and weepy forever. Promise. 


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Notes: Wow! The response to the first chapter was overwhelming. I really appreciate it, and a some very good points were raised that I'll have to address as the story moves on to make sure it's a good as I want it to be. Thanks so much for bringing things you like or thought were off to my attention.

And apologies for this taking so long. My mom got sick which lead to doctor's appointments for her and even more for me somehow. But we're both fine now. The good news is that I've got some more quiet time to write now so the next update should come faster.

Disclaimer: All things recognizable are someone else's and I'm merely dabbling in their world.

* * *

Chapter Two: I Can Hear Her Heartbeat

Jess jerked awake when he felt something soft brush his cheek. His eyes swam into focus in the dark room, and he saw Rory perched on the chest at the end of her bed. She was trailing her fingers over his cheek.

"You're really here," she said quietly. "I dreamt you were here. I thought maybe I was still dreaming."

"No. I'm here." Jess reached out and grasped Rory's hand in his. "I got here as quickly as I could." He took a deep breath and watched her face in the dark. "Is it okay that I'm here?"

Rory nodded. "I didn't think you'd want to come. I thought you'd be too mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you, Rory. I don't understand why you felt like you couldn't tell me what was going on, but I'm not mad." Jess stroked the back of Rory's hand with his thumb. "All that matters right now is that you're okay."

Rory drew away and pulled her knees up, hugging them to her chest. "How can I be okay? I ruined it all," she whispered. "I wanted it too much, and I ruined it."

"What are you talking about? You haven't ruined anything."

"Yes, I have. I was really, really happy with you in California. I came home, and I was so excited that you were coming back, and then . . ." Rory broke off and took a shaky breath. "And then I found out I was pregnant, and I was scared, but I was also kind of happy, you know? I thought I would tell you, and you would come back sooner. We could get a place together in New York. You could get a job somewhere; I'd get something too, freelance writing or copy-editing, something I could do at home. I'd have the baby, a little girl with your eyes, and I'd stay home and take care of her while you went to school, and then you'd stay with her while I went to grad school . . ."

Jess got up and sat next to Rory on the bed. "Why didn't you tell me all of this?"

She took another shaky breath. "I wanted to when I called, but then I started thinking that maybe you wouldn't want any of those things. That you wouldn't want the baby, or me. That you would be angry. I know you have some ideas about what you want when you get New York, and this wasn't one of them. I thought you'd be angry and leave me alone again." Rory started sobbing and buried her face in her hands. "And now it doesn't matter anyway, because I wanted it too much, and every time I want something too much it doesn't happen. I wanted my parents together, I wanted you to not move to California, I wanted . . ." She couldn't continue through her sobbing.

Jess did the only thing he could think of. He wrapped his arms around Rory and held her as she cried. "Angel, it's going to be fine. This isn't your fault. Sometimes these things just happen. You can't control them." He rocked her gently, "It just wasn't supposed to happen right now, but that doesn't mean it's not supposed to happen ever."

A shadow passed over the open bedroom doorway, and Jess looked up. Lorelai was standing there, watching them silently. "Everything okay?" she asked softly.

"It will be," Jess told her. "Could we just have a few more minutes?" When Lorelai nodded and moved away, Jess turned back to Rory. He tipped her chin up so that she had to look at him. "Ror? You know I love you, right?" When she nodded, Jess smiled. "Good. Now listen to me. All those things you wanted? I want them too, and I want them with you." He brushed her hair back from her face. "Now, they might not happen right away, but we'll have them. A place together in New York, a little girl with my eyes, and, if you don't mind, a little boy with your smile."

Fresh tears spilled from Rory's eyes. "Do you mean that?"

Jess leaned down and kissed her gently. "Every word."

A quiet sniffling echoed from the kitchen, and Rory called out, "Mom?"

Lorelai appeared in the doorway, tears apparent on her face. "Sorry. I didn't mean to eavesdrop . . ."

Rory laughed a little, "Yes, you did."

A watery smile appeared on Lorelai's face. "I missed that sound yesterday. But really, I didn't mean to bother you. It's just that that was the sweetest thing I've ever heard."

Jess felt himself blush. "Yeah, well," he said gruffly, "I don't know about anyone else but I'm starving. What if we go wake Luke up and force him to make an early breakfast?"

Rory pulled away and stretched. "I think pancakes are exactly what I need. Well, after a shower anyway." She stood and grabbed her bathrobe. "Will you give me an hour?"

"I'll give you anything you want," Jess said softly. "I've waited this long, another sixty minutes won't kill me." He stood and brushed a kiss to Rory's brow.

She smiled gently and leaned up to kiss him properly. "I love you," she whispered and then moved around him and her mother on her way to the bathroom.

Jess, now left alone with Lorelai, studied the floor intently. "Well, go ahead. Say it."

"Say what?" Lorelai asked.

"That I'm a big mushy sap." He turned to face Lorelai and stepped toward her, meaning to move around her and into the kitchen.

"You said it, not me." When Jess was next to Lorelai in the doorway, she slung an arm around his shoulders. "All I was going to say is that I think I finally understand what Rory sees in you."

"Huh. And it only took you six years."

Lorelai laughed, "That may be a new record for me, kid. You should feel proud."

Jess's laugher joined hers, and they sat companionably for the first time ever, waiting for the one person that they each loved more than life itself.

* * *

Jess held the diner door open for Rory and Lorelai and then followed the women into the suddenly quiet room. He could see almost half the town crowded at the tables and around the counter. Miss Patty, Babette, and Babette's overtall husband whose name Jess couldn't remember sat in the far corner. Kirk was sitting at the near end of the counter next to the nut who used to sell twinkle lights. Bootsy and Rune were at the opposite end of the counter, and even Taylor had managed to avoid Luke's wrath to sit at a small table near the front window with Mrs. Kim of all people.

Despite all of the people who had come to the diner that morning, there was still an empty table in the very center of the room. Given the table's location and the fact that every eye in the place was on the trio that had just entered the door, it was obvious to Jess that the table was vacant for a reason. Rory's condition and his return were meant to be featured, center stage, like some bizarre circus act. It made Jess want to scream, berate them all for finding some sort of pleasure in viewing something so private and painful. And it was painful. Sure, Rory was wearing a brave face, and Jess had been full of promises and flowery words, but they were still dealing with a loss that made both of their chests ache. It would take time for them to get over it, and if this town cared half as much for Rory as they claimed that they did, they would've respected that and stayed away for at least one day.

Just as Jess was about to open his mouth and tell the town what he thought of them, Luke stormed out of the kitchen, bellowing, "If you're not here to eat, get the hell out of my diner!"

The room shifted its collective gaze to the flannel clad man behind the counter.

"I mean it!" Luke continued. "They," he gestured toward Jess and Rory, "aren't on display. They don't sit in your kitchen and watch you when you're in pain. Get out!"

Fully three quarters of the room had the decency to look chagrined and slink out the door, though Patty did pinch Jess's butt on her way out the door. He was too stunned to do anything more than turn and stare at the woman as she left.

"I did not miss this town," he muttered when he finally found his voice again.

Rory giggled and wrapped her fingers around his. "I know. Welcome home, Dodger." She tugged Jess's hand until he sat at the center table that Lorelai had claimed as though nothing was amiss when they had entered the diner.

Luke approached the table then with two empty mugs and a full coffee pot. "Sorry about that. They must have swarmed in when I went to unpack the bread shipment."

"It's okay," Rory sighed. "It was going to happen sooner or later."

Luke reached out, and in a gesture that surprised everyone but the two of them, tucked a stray lock of hair behind Rory's ear. "Vultures could've waited. How're you feeling?"

She shrugged. "Okay, I guess." Her hands wrapped around the coffee mug in front of her, and she took a long sip, preventing any further answer.

Letting the young woman off the hook, Luke turned to Jess. "What about you?"

"Been better. Been worse." Jess pushed a hand through his hair. "It's weird being back here."

"This town only does weird," Luke reminded him. "So, do I need to straighten up your half of the apartment?"

"Nope."

Everyone turned, wide eyed, to look at Lorelai.

"What?" she asked. "He can stay at the house. It's not a big deal."

Rory reached across the table and laid a palm against her mother's forehead. "Are you feeling okay, Mom?"

Lorelai grinned and batted the hand away. "Just fine, babe. We're all adults here, and recent events have given us more evidence of that than an episode of _C.S.I_. Seems silly to still treat you both like kids."

Luke's brow furrowed in confusion and disbelief. Moving to the door, he opened it and stared up at the sky.

"What are you doing?" Lorelai asked.

"You just made a calm and rational decision involving Jess and Rory. I'm checking for flying pigs and a hail of fire."

"Very funny, flannel man. Now get into the kitchen and make my girl some pancakes."

"With chocolate chips," Rory added. "Lots and lots of chocolate chips."

Shaking his head, Luke left the doorway and headed toward the kitchen. "Fine. But just for today. You ask for chocolate chips tomorrow, and I will deny even knowing they exist."

Rory giggled at her mother over the rim of her coffee mug. Lorelai grinned back, happy to see some of her daughter's spark back. Jess's laugher joined Rory's, and Lorelai watched his face break into a smile. A few years ago it would have looked ridiculously out of place on the young man's face, but now there were even the beginning of lines around his eyes as if he smiled all of the time. He may have left for California an angry, empty kid, but the time there had changed him in so many ways. Jess was now a whole person who seemed to be able to deal with his emotions rather than hiding from them. He still carried that old pain and fear of betrayal, but they were no longer things he wore like a second skin.

As Lorelai was studying him, Jess was studying Rory. She was laughing and looked happy, but Jess noticed that she wasn't carrying herself with the ease that he was used to seeing in her. She looked tense under her mirth. Rory had always curled forward a bit, hands inside her sleeves, when she was nervous or insecure. College and doing things on her own had given her the confidence to grow out of it a bit, but now she had her hands pulled so far into her sleeves that Jess worried for the weave of the cotton. He suspected that Rory wanted to curl in on herself too, but she was holding her back unnaturally rigid. Something was bothering her, but she was trying not to let anyone see it. He made a quick decision to find out exactly how much she was bothered by what had happened between them.

Standing, Jess offered Rory his hand. "Come with me for a minute."

"What?" Rory looked up at him startled.

"Just come upstairs?"

"What about my pancakes?"

Jess snorted under his breath, a shade of his old biting sarcasm coming though. "Luke screws up the first three and tosses them anyway, and he'll want them all to be perfect for you. You've got time."

"Fine." Rory gave Lorelai a bewildered look but stood stiffly and followed Jess to the stairs. She let him usher her into Luke's apartment.

The apartment looked similar to the way it did the last time she saw it. There was still a bed on each side of the room, and all of the belongings spread around were Luke's. There were no stray paperbacks with rumpled covers lying around. No CD cases scattered across the top of the coffee table. Instead there were fishing poles propped against the walls and order receipts piled on the counter next to cash register totals and new order forms waiting to be completed. All traces that Jess had ever lived here seemed to be gone, even more than the last time she was in the room, but if she closed her eyes she could still see the chaos that had filled at least half of the room when Jess had lived there.

"Having a nostalgia moment?" Jess asked quietly, leaning against the door.

"Little one," Rory admitted, turning to face him. "Why are we up here?"

Jess pushed off the door with his hip and walked towards her. "We're up here because I want you to tell me what's wrong."

"It's been a rough couple of days, Jess. You know that."

"I know, but that's not what I mean." Jess reached out and pushed back Rory's sleeves until he could see her balled up hands. "What's with the prize fighter impression?" Jess then used his fingers to gently uncurl the tight fists she'd made and held her hands gently in his own. "Tell me?"

"I'll be fine." Rory's lower lip trembled, and she pulled it between her teeth.

Jess sighed and smiled gently. "I know you _will_ be, so will I. My heart hurts over this, too, but that's not what I mean. Emotionally we're both messed up right now, but you're dealing with something physical here. There's no one else around. I don't need you to be brave. Tell me what's going on."

Rory seemed to crumple in on her self then, tears brimming over as her chin dropped to her chest. She leaned into Jess and buried her head in the bend of his neck. His arms came up around her shoulders and held her tightly as she cried. Turning and slowly walking backwards, Jess drew Rory to his old bed and sat down, pulling her onto his lap.

"What's the matter, Rory? What's wrong?"

"I feel broken, like something's missing," she whispered. "And it hurts. I've never actually been kicked in the stomach, but this has to be what it feels like."

"Is it sort of a dull throb that turns sharp if you move too fast?" Jess asked quietly.

"Yeah. How'd you know that?"

Jess shrugged, "It's what getting kicked in the stomach feels like."

Rory's eyes widened in shock. "Do I want to know?"

"Not much to know, really. I was twelve, scrawny, and read a lot. A couple of guys cornered me after school one day and pummeled me."

"Is that when you stopped trying in school, 'cause it got you beat up?"

"No," Jess laughed. "I never tried in school. That was when I decided if I was going to be hit, I would learn how to hit back."

"Oh," Rory said softly. "So, you started lifting weights or going to a gym or something?"

"Jeez, you're turning me into a bad '80s teen movie." Jess shifted Rory in his lap so he could look at her face. "You're also avoiding the original subject. What else hurts?"

Rory rested her head on Jess's shoulder. "My back's stiff. It's part of the stomach cramps and all, but it still hurts." She heaved a sigh that ended in a slight whimper as she shifted again. "The doctor said this would last for a couple of days. I just have to take it easy, no strenuous lifting or bending."

Jess nodded in agreement. "That shouldn't be a problem for you. Did you get anything for the pain?"

"No. They said whatever I usually take over the counter for pain would be enough."

"And have you been taking anything?" Jess asked though he already suspected she hadn't been.

"No," Rory confirmed.

Moving Rory gently from his lap to the bed, Jess stood and went into the bathroom. A brief search turned up a bottle of ibuprofen. He got a glass of water from the kitchen and presented both to Rory.

"Take three," he told her.

"The bottle says two," she protested.

"Just this once you can take three. It'll be fine." Jess shook three of the small orange tablets into Rory's hand and watched her take them. When she'd finished, he took the glass from her and set it next to the bed. "Good. Now lie down."

"What?"

"Lie down."

"Jess, come on. I'm hungry. I want to go downstairs and eat my breakfast."

"Lie down," Jess commanded again. "I'll get Luke to bring up your plate, and you can eat up here."

Rory blew out her breath loudly, "You're nuts. I hurt, but I'm not dying."

"Humor me? Please?" Jess stuck out his lower lip in an exaggerated pout and whined like a puppy.

"Wow, I'd forgotten that you do that."

"Is that a yes?" Jess asked.

"Fine," Rory agreed.

Jess grinned and gestured for Rory to settle back on the bed. He crossed the room and picked up the phone to dial down to the diner.

"Luke's."

"Hey, Caesar, it's Jess."

"Where are you? I thought you were in here?" Caesar's confusion was clear, even over the phone.

"I'm in the apartment."

"Then why are you calling down here?"

"Tell Luke to bring Rory's food up here."

"Why? Something wrong?"

"No. Just tell him. Thanks, Caesar." Jess hung up before Caesar could argue or put Luke on the phone.

Rory was watching Jess carefully from the bed. "You know Luke and my mom are going to come thundering up here now."

"I know." Jess sat on the edge of the bed and nudged Rory back down. "I don't really care," he told her. Swinging his legs up, Jess propped himself on his side next to Rory, back to the door, and settled his free hand on her abdomen.

"What are you doing?" Rory asked, her voice quavering a little.

Jess leaned down and kissed her temple. Without speaking, he starting rubbing slow gentle circles on her stomach. "This help?"

Rory sighed and leaned closer into Jess's body. "Yes, actually. Not sure if it's the massage or just you, but it helps."

"Good." Jess kissed her forehead again and let his head rest above Rory's on the pillow, content in breathing in the soft flowery scent of her hair.

The couple got to enjoy their quiet time together for an entire minute before the door banged open and Luke stumbled in, plate of pancakes in his hand and Lorelai hot on his heels.

"What happened?" Lorelai asked breathlessly as she rushed to the side of the bed.

"Nothing," Rory sighed. She looked up at her mother from her position on the bed. "Jess is just being hyper-protective."

The man in question scoffed. "No, Jess is being concerned about you taking care of yourself. You don't have to be okay all of the time."

"He's right, you know," Luke piped in from the table. "No one worth worrying about expects you to be fine right now."

"I know," Rory agreed, pushing away from Jess and slipping off the end of the bed with a small wince as her stomach twinged. "I just don't like the pity in everyone's eyes." She sat down at the table and started eating primly, not noticing the guilty glances exchanged between Luke and Lorelai.

Jess, however, did see the looks and shook his head. He sat up on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees, and bowed his head. This was a situation he'd never expected to find himself in. When he was younger in New York he had nightmares about one of the girls he'd been with showing up and telling him she was pregnant. Fatherhood was never something that he'd imagined for himself, especially considering the role model he had in Jimmy, but now . . . with Rory it didn't seem all that unlikely. And that it had almost happened and was lost before he even knew about it . . . it was like part of his life had been yanked just out of his reach, a part he didn't even realize he wanted. With a heavy sigh, he got up and went to join everyone else at the table. Rory looked over at him when he sat down, concern in her eyes, and he shrugged it away. She had enough on her mind without worrying about him as well. Instead, he swiped a finger through the whipped cream topping her pancakes and grinned at her before licking it off.

The rapid shift in Jess's mood didn't go unnoticed by Luke, and he gave his nephew a look that seemed to ask, 'What the hell is going on with you?'

A small head shake meaning 'not now, we'll talk later' was Jess response, and he went back to stealing crumbs of Rory's plate, giving each of them a few moments of much needed normalcy.

She continued to eat slowly, savoring each bite and letting small giggles slip out as she fought Jess's fingers for the last bite of her breakfast. It meant a lot to her that he was treating her in the same way he used to. Sure, he was worried about her, that much was obvious given the way he'd ushered her upstairs, but he could tell that she didn't want him to fuss over her in front of other people. That was the most important thing he could do for her in her eyes right now because she wanted time to deal with what had happened privately before accepting public condolences. So it may have been a bad idea on her part to venture to Luke's so soon, but the only thing she wanted to do right now was

something familiar and normal . . . for as long as Stars Hollow would let her be normal.

Nearly an hour later Rory and Jess bid Lorelai goodbye outside Luke's as she got into her Jeep to spend the day at the Dragonfly. Once she was gone, the young couple looked at each other warily, neither one knowing what to do or say.

"So," Rory shrugged, "it's been a while since you've been here. Wanna see what's changed?"

Jess looked around skeptically. "Things have changed?"

"Some of them, sure," Rory said brightly and took him by the hand to pull him down the sidewalk. "Come on."

"Fine," he agreed moodily and drug his feet a little as he followed her. They'd barely made it to the corner when he'd noticed something. "They're staring."

Rory glanced around only seeing the regular Saturday morning Stars Hollow traffic. "Who's staring?"

"All of them."

"Wow. Paranoia, party of one, your table is ready."

"Not funny," Jess grumbled, "and not paranoid. It doesn't seem like there are an inordinate number of people looking out of store windows or an odd number of twitchy curtains for a day no breeze to speak of?"

She took another look around and noticed that he may have a point. "Well, you're a novelty again."

Jess shifted uncomfortably on the balls of his feet. "I can't do this."

Rory sucked in a sharp breath and gulped a few times. "Can't . . . can't do what?"

"Be out here with them staring," he clarified. "I have to go back to the house."

"Oh, okay," she sighed with barely disguised relief.

He gripped her hand tighter. "I'm not running away again."

"I didn't think you were."

"Liar." Leaning over, he kissed her softly on her temple. "Coming back with me?"

"No," she shook her head. " I want to walk around a little more. It helps."

"'kay," he nodded and kissed her solidly on the mouth before walking back to the house.

Rory watched Jess until he rounded a corner, and she couldn't see him anymore. Turning on her heel, she started a meandering path across the town square when she noticed Miss Patty sitting on a nearby bench. She tried in vain to change directions without being noticed but was too late. Patty had noticed her and called out to stop her.

"Rory, honey," she called out and continued when Rory approached her. "We were all so surprised to hear what happened. How are you doing, sweetie?"

"I'm feeling better, thank you," Rory replied politely, but with enough finality in her voice to suggest that she wanted to leave.

Patty paid no mind and shook her head, "It's a shame. You and Jess . . . it would have been a beautiful baby."

"Mmm hmm," Rory mumbled, tears welling in her eyes.

"But at least he's back around now," the former dancer sighed wistfully. "For a little while anyway."

Rory blinked away the water in her eyes quickly. "He'll be around," she said defensively.

"Sure he will, honey," Patty said with false sweetness as she patted Rory's hand. "You be careful now." It was clear that she meant that warning to apply to more than just an afternoon stroll.

Nodding briefly, Rory frowned and turned to head in the other direction. She made it about a half of a block when Taylor leapt out from around the corner of a building and planted himself firmly in front of her.

"There you are, young lady!" he chirped. "Simply deplorable what's happened. That wretched boy behaving this way."

"What way, Taylor?" Rory asked, her patience wearing thin despite having only been approached by two people. "Jess hasn't done anything wrong."

The store owner shook his head sadly. "And here you are, still defending him. A shame what he's gotten you into."

"He hasn't gotten me into anything!"

"It's so unfortunate when things like this happen to good girls," Taylor continued, shaking his head sadly. "I suppose your mother's influence has something to do with this."

Rory screamed wordlessly and threw up her hands in frustration. "Jess did not do anything wrong! I did not do anything wrong! Mom did not do anything wrong! Leave it alone!" With that she stormed off and left Taylor standing there shaking his head and muttering about the lack of respect in today's youth.

She stalked silently around town for the next hour finally noticing what had made Jess so jumpy. Everyone was looking at her with sorrow or judgment in their eyes. It stung and made her feel more raw than she already did. There wasn't anything that she'd done wrong. What had happened to her happened to women everyday . . . and she was an adult. An adult who was in love with her boyfriend and who was suffering and just wanted to be left alone. But where could she go to be alone in a town where everyone was watching her even on a normal day?

Suddenly it dawned on her that she knew of the perfect place, a place where she'd always been able to hide before and feel safe. Turning her feet, she made a beeline for the haven of the bridge. Rory sighed happily once her shoes passed from the firmness of the path to the slight give of the slats of the bridge. She walked to the center and sat gingerly, folding her legs beneath her. The sound of the water lapping softly at the bridge supports was soothing, and for the first time all day the only eyes on her belonged to the birds overhead. Heaving another sigh, she closed her eyes and wondered why she hadn't come here first. After all, the only person who knew how much time she spent there was the only person she really wanted to see.

* * *

While Rory was finally finding quiet at the bridge, Jess was finding it hiding the cool quiet of Rory's bedroom. He spent a long time just standing in the doorway looking at the rumpled bed and the chair at the foot of it. Trying to imagine it the way he remembered it years ago, part library and part temptation, Jess found he couldn't see it that way any more. All he could see was Rory lying pale and fragile in that small bed and him sitting at the foot of it feeling tired and more than a little guilty. He tortured himself with those images for a long while before shivering and moving blindly back to the living room. The couch was squishy and lumpy, he knew that from experience, but it was still welcoming. Sinking into the corner of it, Jess propped up his feet on the coffee table. His head tipped back against the back of the couch, and his eyes shut wearily.

The trilling of the phone startled him and made his head jerk up. Blearily staring around the room, Jess caught sight of a clock and realized that he'd been asleep for almost three hours. The phone was still ringing, piercing through his head, and he rose stiffly to snatch it up.

"Uh . . . yeah?" he questioned, flopping back down into a seated position.

"That's how you answer someone else's phone?" Luke asked his nephew dryly. "No wonder I never got my messages."

"Would you rather have me babble like Lorelai?"

Luke answered quickly, "No. Your way is fine. So . . . how are you?"

"Way to segue, Luke," Jess chuckled. "I'm okay."

"You didn't look okay this morning."

"I'm fine."

"Jess, don't lie to me anymore," Luke sighed. "You looked like hell this morning."

"Well, I'd been on a plane all day yesterday, and I slept in a chair. How am I supposed to look?" Jess snapped.

Luke huffed, and his frown was nearly audible. "That's not what I'm talking about, and you know it."

"Then I'm pissed, but I'll live," Jess replied, wanting nothing more than to hang up but knowing Luke would just come over to yell at him.

"Pissed at who?" he older man wanted to know. "At Rory?"

Jess groaned in despair. "No . . . yes . . . it's complicated. I don't know anymore."

"What are you mad about?"

"Luke, are you trying to play therapist?"

"You're my family, Jess. I'm worried about you," Luke revealed reluctantly.

"Wow, feeling that love," Jess snarked.

"Why won't you talk to me?"

"What do you want me to say? I'm mad that Rory didn't feel like she could tell me what was happening until it was too late. I'm mad that everyone in this damn town looks at me like I'm some kind of demon . . ." Jess trailed off with a sigh.

Luke could tell there was more on Jess's mind and prodded him to continue, "And?"

Jess squirmed even though Luke couldn't see him but answered anyway. "And I'm mad that I lost something I didn't even know I wanted until it was gone. Happy now?"

There was a moment of echoing quiet before Luke let a breath escape in an understanding sigh. "Oh."

"Yeah, oh," Jess confirmed sullenly.

Neither man knew what to say after that. Like started and faltered a few times with an attempt to say something consoling or meaningful, but eventually stopped. Jess tired of the awkward silence and stuttering and hung up the phone. He set it on the arm of the couch next to him, watching it as if daring it to ring. When it didn't, he nodded glumly and once again laid his head back. His eyes drifted shut, and Jess slept fitfully until he was awakened by the ratting of the front door. He looked over eagerly, anticipating Rory, and was disappointed to find that it was only Lorelai coming home.

"Hey," she said gently after noticing Jess sitting in the darkened living room. She held up a brown paper bag. "I stopped by Luke's. He sent over some soup if you and Rory are hungry."

"No thanks," Jess said stiffly. "Not hungry, and Rory's not here so . . ."

"Not here?" Lorelai asked. "Where is she?"

Shrugging, Jess looked away. "She went out for a walk when we left the diner. She's not back yet."

"And that didn't worry you? It's almost eight, Jess!" Lorelai cried on a fairly frantic note. "Rory's been on a walk for ten hours!"

"I'm sure she's fine. Not like much else can happen to her around here, especially since she's not around me at the moment. Besides, she's a big girl. She can take care of herself."

Lorelai drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. This was not the Jess she was used to, this wasn't even the Jess that had been sitting at her kitchen table this morning. And she wasn't sure how to handle this Jess, sad and sullen and broken, at all. "I'm sure you're right," was all she could say.

He didn't respond, just rolled his head away from her and nodded.

"I'm going to go put this in the fridge," she said, shaking the bag slightly, "and then I've got some paperwork for the inn to do upstairs." Lorelai walked past Jess toward the kitchen. "Holler if you need anything, okay?"

"Sure," Jess said flatly. "Good night."

Once she'd put the soup away, Lorelai paused next to the couch and let her hand hover over Jess's head for a moment before deciding against touching him. "Good night," she told him instead before quietly mounting the stairs.

Rubbing his hands over his face, Jess waited until he heard Lorelai's bedroom door close before picking up the remote to the TV and clicking it on. At least that way if she came back down he'd look busy.

* * *

Barely twenty minutes later, Rory opened the front door and quietly slipped inside. The television was on, volume low, and Jess sat slumped deeply into the couch. He didn't acknowledge her return at all, and Rory was grateful that he wasn't going to fuss over her like everyone else she'd run into that day. Padding on silent feet, she rounded the couch, sat on the floor, and rested her head against his knee. They sat that way for a long time before Jess reached out and stroked her hair gently.

"Have a good walk?" he asked.

"I guess," Rory replied. "I just needed to be by myself for a while. Spent most of the day sitting on the bridge."

He smiled a little when she told him that. "I told Lorelai you'd be fine. She was worried that you weren't here when she got home."

"I should have called her or something, but I . . ."

Jess hummed in understanding. "I know. Luke sent over soup if you're hungry," he said after a pause.

Rory shook her head, shaking Jess's leg along with her. "Not really. I think I'm going to go to bed."

"'kay." Jess cleared his throat gruffly. "I'll sleep out here."

Rory pushed to her knees and stared at him. "Why?"

Jess refused to meet her eyes. "I think it'll be better if I stay out here."

"What do you mean?" Rory asked, reaching up and turning his head to face her.

His eyes closed, and he plucked at the edge of the couch cushion with trembling fingers. "It's just safer."

"Safer? Jess, what does that mean?"

He jerked his head away and mumbled something Rory couldn't make out.

"Jess, tell me," she urged gently.

Jess growled in frustration and finally met Rory's eyes. "Every time we share a bed something happens, and you cry. I don't want to keep making you cry."

Rory didn't say anything. She just got to her feet and held out her hand to Jess. He eyed her warily for a moment before letting her tug him to his feet.

"I'm willing to risk it," Rory told him and started to pull him back toward her bedroom.

Jess stopped outside her bedroom door and jerked her back against his chest. Cupping her cheek, he leaned down and kissed her.

"I love you," he whispered against her lips.

Rory drew away slightly and pressed her forehead to his. "I know. I love you, too."

Jess smiled softly and nudged her into the room, closing the door behind them. They both readied themselves for bed quickly and quietly. Jess waited until Rory settled herself, and then he crawled into bed behind her, curling his slightly larger frame around Rory. It was the first peaceful night's sleep either of them had in weeks.

* * *

Author's Notes the Second: So, that's chapter two. Again, I apologize for the long, long wait, but sometimes life happens. The next chapter should be up sooner, a big chunk is already written, and it'll pick up right where this one leaves off. Review if you've got time! 


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay. The holidays are stressful and depressing around here with the shopping and the crowds and the family. Anyway, this chapter ended up shorter than I thought I would be, but it sort of wound itself to a natural conclusion and I decided against fighting it.

Disclaimer: Anything recognizable belongs to ASP and all associated companies and parties involved with GG. The title again comes from the song stylings of Tom Petty.

* * *

Chapter Three: Hold Me While I Sleep

Jess woke late the next morning to a fairly shrill voice demanding to see Rory and Lorelai doing some frantic protesting. Rory was still asleep, her back settled to his chest. His left arm was pinned underneath the pillow and Rory's head, and she was clutching his right forearm where it draped over her hip. He sighed softly, realizing that he couldn't get up to see what the commotion was in the other room without waking Rory as well. The rapidly approaching clack of heels outside the closed bedroom door told him that it probably didn't matter; the commotion seemed to be coming to him.

Lorelai's voice echoed through the thick door. "I told you, Mom, Rory's still sleeping. She needs her rest."

"Shit," Jess muttered quietly. Rory's grandmother was out there. He hadn't seen her in about four years, and his first and only impression was not a good one. It didn't seem like his second impression was going to be much better as the doorknob rattled.

"Lorelai, honestly!" the shrill voice snapped. "Your father and I return home from a weekend on the Vineyard to a message that Rory's in the hospital, you fail to answer you cell phone until this morning . . . we were worried simply sick! We tried calling Christopher, but that woman he lives with said he was on his way here."

Lorelai groaned audibly. "Perfect. Look, Mom, why don't you just go into the living room and wait with Dad. I'll see if Rory's up, and she can join us all there when she's ready?"

Jess prayed silently for the earth to open up and swallow Rory's bedroom into an abyss. Both her grandparents were in the house, and her father was on his way. He'd be lucky to make it through the day without losing blood. Apparently the power of prayer was not on his side that day as Emily Gilmore continued to try and force her way into the room.

"I can look in on Rory just as easily as you can, Lorelai," Emily insisted, and the door was pushed open. She wasn't looking into the room at first as she was still addressing Lorelai, but when Emily turned to face the bed, she drew in a sharp breath.

Jess was propped up on his elbow as much as Rory's sleeping body would allow. His eyes flicked helplessly from Emily's rapidly reddening face to Lorelai standing behind her looking just as helpless as Jess. "Um . . . good morning, Mrs. Gilmore," he offered weakly.

Rory, who had somehow managed to sleep through her grandmother's ranting, now started to slowly come awake. "What's going on?" she asked as she let go of Jess's wrist to scrub sleepily at her hazy eyes. When she could focus, her gaze landed on the doorway. "Grandma? When did you get here?"

"We'll be waiting in the other room," was all Emily said stiffly before turning on her heel and marching away. Lorelai gave another helpless look and disappeared in her mother's wake after tugging the door closed.

"Okay," Rory drawled, her half asleep state making her confused. She shifted to her back to look up at Jess leaning above her. "What was that about?"

"Your grandparents are here, and I'm guessing your mom didn't tell them that I was, too. Or even what happened at the hospital," Jess told her quietly.

Rory's chest rattled with a heavy sigh. "Oh. Well, I guess if we have to start the day like this, at least we know it can only get better," she rationalized.

Jess gave her a thin smile. "Your dad's on his way, too."

"Crap, there goes that theory." Rory reached up and traced the tense line of Jess's jaw. "Can we just hide in here all day?"

"I wish, but I think if we're not out there soon your grandmother is going to come back in here. Or worse, your grandfather."

Rory shook her head, "I don't think that'd be worse. Grandma's much scarier than he is."

"Whatever," Jess shrugged, "I still think it's a good idea to be wearing pants when I meet him for the first time."

She agreed with an emphatic nod. "Yeah." Reluctantly slipping away from him and out of the warm bed, Rory changed quickly, tugging on a pair of faded and fraying jeans and a sweatshirt.

Watching her change her clothes, Jess stayed cocooned in the blankets for a few minutes longer. It was obvious in watching her move, that Rory was still not one hundred percent, but she wasn't hunched over on herself, and there was a lot more color back in her face and sparkle back in her eyes. He was almost positive the same could not be said about him. Emotionally, he felt like he'd been run over by a bus, and that had to show in his face. Without a mirror he couldn't be completely sure, but it was highly unlikely that the dark circles had faded from under his eyes. The overtired part of his mind likened Rory to Dorian Gray, and he was her portrait. The better she got, the worse he looked.

"What are you thinking about?" Rory asked when she turned around and noticed that he was still in bed.

Jess shook his head and got up to yank on his clothes from the day before. "Nothing," he lied, "just that you look better today." Rounding the bed, he took her by the hand and opened the door carefully. "Here goes nothing," he sighed.

Just as he was about to cross the threshold, Rory yanked him back and kissed him sweetly. "It's going to be fine."

"Yeah, we'll see," he said glumly as she started out in front of him. However, once they were in the kitchen, Jess reversed their positions, placing himself before her to face the brunt of the hostility that was radiating from the living room.

Emily nearly hip-checked him like a hockey player in her haste to get to her granddaughter. "Rory! My goodness, we've been just frantic, and your mother is being absolutely no help at all! What is going on here?"

Gnawing on her lip, Rory looked back and forth between her grandmother and Jess, trying to decide how to best proceed. "Well, Grandma, I . . . it's just that . . ." she scrambled for the right words and found that they just wouldn't come. "Mommy?" she pleaded, turning teary eyes to Lorelai.

Lorelai released a huge breath and tried to think of a way to toss her daughter a verbal lifeline, but the front door banged open before she could say a word.

"Lore!" Christopher called out as he burst into the room like a dervish. "Where is she? What's going on?" He spotted Rory where she was standing next to Jess and had her swept up in a hug after crossing to her in three half-running steps. "Are you okay?" he asked, holding her at arms length to look her over and then pulling her close again.

"Mmmhmm," Rory mumbled while trying not to wince in pain at the abrupt moving and shaking being done by Christopher. She extracted herself carefully and retreated to Jess's side, wrapping herself around his arm.

Jess raised his free hand and cupped the back of Rory's head, thumb brushing soothingly against her temple. "At least you don't have to say it twice," he tried to tease.

"Doesn't make it easier," she sighed, resting her forehead against his shoulder. "And there are more people in the room who'll want to slaughter you."

Having had enough of waiting, interruptions, and indecisiveness, Emily demanded, "Someone needs to explain what is going on here right now!"

"Mom," Lorelai said as soothingly as possible, "let's all just calm down for a second, okay?" She grabbed Christopher by the arm and hauled him to the couch, forcing him to sit while motioning Emily to sit as well. Richard was standing imposingly behind the couch, and Lorelai declined to force him to sit. Lorelai remained standing as well, hand clamped firmly on Chris's shoulder, and nodded at Rory and Jess.

Rory's mouth worked silently making her look slightly like a fish, and her eyes became bright. Her fingers gripped tightly at Jess's upper arm and wrist, biting into the muscle to stop her hands from shaking. "I didn't think it would be this hard," she whispered to him.

Jess nodded and wondered to himself how she wouldn't have handled facing her family if she were still pregnant. "Want me to do it?"

"No," Rory decided, "I have to do it." Taking a deep breath, she faced the room. "Grandma, Grandpa . . . Dad . . . um, I know you were all worried because I was at the emergency room, but I'm fine now. Well, mostly fine I guess. Not completely fine, that'll take some more time, but anyway . . . I found out that I was . . . oh, holy crap this is hard . . . I was pregnant, but I lost the baby. That's why I was in the hospital."

The roar of outraged voices was nearly deafening. The elder Gilmores were shouting about responsibility and expectations while Chris was scolding Rory at the top of his voice with Lorelai making equally loud attempts to calm everyone down. Jess watched the scene mutely, Rory shaking at his side, and then placed to fingers into his mouth and whistled sharply.

All of the yelling ceased and everyone stared at Jess. "Your concern for Rory is touching," he said icily. "All the screaming is really helping her feel better about this."

Surprised stares tuned to venomous glares. If looks could kill, Emily's alone would have dropped Jess like a bullet to the head. "What concern of yours is all of this?" the well dressed woman demanded.

Christopher echoed the sentiment. "Yeah, why is he even here?"

"He's her boyfriend," Lorelai sighed. "This involves him too."

"Since when?" Richard spat. "He ran off on her years ago. How did he even get close enough to her for this to happen?"

"Grandpa . . ." Rory tried to defend herself and Jess but quickly found that no one was going to listen to her.

Jess tried to intercede on her behalf. "We're standing right here, you know."

The rest of the room continued ignoring the young couple, though Lorelai was surprisingly doing her best to defend them. "It doesn't matter how it happened. They love each other, Dad, and this is difficult for them. "

"Oh, please, like he even cares!" Christopher scoffed. "He didn't care enough about her to ensure that this didn't happen in the first place!"

Jess heard that and couldn't help responding. "Don't even think you know how I feel! I've been nothing but careful with her!"

"Boy in the plastic bubble careful," Rory chimed in causing Lorelai to smile.

"Not careful enough," Emily spat icily from her corner of the couch.

"Condoms aren't one hundred percent effective," Jess nearly wailed. "Rory getting pregnant wasn't carelessness . . . it was statistics!"

Snarling, Chris took half a step toward Jess before Lorelai restrained him. "So my daughter's just a number to you?"

"I love her more than you do!" With that shot, Jess took off for the kitchen and the back door, unable to take the venom in the room anymore.

Rory watched Jess disappear from the room and then turned tearful eyes on Christopher. "What makes you think you can talk to him like that?"

"I'm your father."

"Only when you want to be!" She took steps to leave the room also, but Lorelai was quicker and grabbed Rory's arm to stop her.

"Rory, sweetie . . ."

"I'm going after Jess," Rory said, shrugging Lorelai's hand away. "I can't do this right now." She gave one last withering glance at her father and grandparents and took off out the back door in the direction that Jess had likely gone.

Emily sighed airily. "Well, that's just wonderful, Lorelai. How can you let this go on?"

Lorelai looked and her mother incredulously and threw up her hands. "What am I supposed to do, Mom? She loves him. You don't like him, I don't like him, I hate that he got her pregnant, but Rory loves Jess. And I love her. That's how I can let this go on."

"You've always been too permissive with her, Lorelai," Emily continued to protest. "If you'd put your foot down once and awhile things like this wouldn't happen."

"Right, Mom. Because being strict worked out beautifully for you and Dad."

"Lorelai," Richard warned.

"No! No 'Lorelai,' Dad. This is my house. If you don't like the way I do things you can leave. In fact, that's a great idea. All of you get out of my house!"

"Lore," Chris tried to placate her and pull her into a hug.

She shoved him away violently. "Especially you! Get out!"

He refused to budge. "You're the one who called me to get down here."

"So you could be of some comfort to your daughter, not so you could criticize her life."

"She's making a bad decision," he protested.

"It's her life, she can do with it what she pleases. She's an adult."

Emily gave a dainty sniff. "She's hardly an adult."

Lorelai rolled her eyes so hard they should have fallen out of her head. "If she were dating an Ivy League drone who's father owned a bank or publishing company, you'd be calling caterers right now and booking a string quartet for Rory's wedding reception! You're only saying she's not an adult because she's not following the plan you had laid out for her in your mind."

"That is enough," Richard said firmly to Lorelai. "Obviously, neither you or Rory are ready to listen to reason on this matter." He held out his hand to Emily. "We'll be leaving until the two of you are ready to understand what's the best decision in this matter." He led his wife to the door.

"You're the ones who don't understand," Lorelai snarled as the door was pulled shut. Wheeling on Christopher, she continued to unleash her ire. "Better hurry after them. I know they have a guest room for you. Then you can keep plotting Rory's life to fit the one you and I were supposed to have."

Chris sighed and again tried to soothe Lorelai. "Come on, Lore. You know you don't really want me to leave. When Rory's gets back, the three of us can sit down without that thug around to influence her, and make her understand that she's throwing her life away. She'll see that this is a mistake, and she's actually lucky not to be having a baby with this Jess kid."

"Do you even hear yourself?" Lorelai asked. "Rory is heartbroken about losing this baby, and Jess may be the only one who's going to get her through this without her going crazy. She's in love with him, Chris. Completely ass over teacup in love with him. And Jess has turned himself around because he didn't want to hurt her anymore." Closing her eyes, Lorelai shook her head and sighed. "Just forget it and go home, Chris."

Without another word, Lorelai stepped around him and climbed the stairs to her room, leaving Christopher standing in the middle of the living room alone. The bedroom door slammed upstairs, and he realized that despite her willingness to forgive him in the past, he had truly crossed a line with Lorelai from which there was no going back.

* * *

Her heavy footsteps echoed heavily on the weather worn wood of the bridge. Jess was sitting on the edge, feet dangling over the water, just like she thought he'd be. What she didn't expect to find was the cigarette dangling from his fingers, but she chose not to mention it or the fact that he'd told her he finally quit some months before.

"Hey," she said quietly as she came up next to him.

Jess didn't look up at her but grunted in acknowledgment. He drew deeply on the cigarette and continued to stare out over the water.

"I'm sorry about Grandma and my dad . . . about all of this."

"Come here," Jess said after a quiet moment. He held up his hand and pulled Rory into his side when she sat gingerly next to him. Flicking the half burned butt into the water, he cleared his throat, "This is not your fault, Rory. This is my fault. Everything that's happened is my fault."

"No!" Rory tried to take his face in her hands, to turn him to her, to make him see that she wasn't blaming him at all, but Jess wouldn't let her.

"Yes. I'm older . . ."

"Barely," she muttered under her breath.

Jess shushed her with a shake of his head, ". . . and more experienced. I'm supposed to be the responsible one when it comes to sex."

"I'm supposed to be the responsible one about everything," she countered, unwilling to let him take all the blame for this on his shoulders. There wasn't anyone to blame. Hadn't he told her the same thing just yesterday?

He refused to let her placate him. "Not this. You've only been with me. I'm supposed to teach you how it works, take care of you."

Rory drew in a sharp breath and stiffened next to him. "How do you know I've only been with you? I never told you that."

Looking down and away, Jess's fingers twitched, and he wished he hadn't pitched away his cigarette so he'd have something to do with his hands and mouth to avoid answering this question. Rory's increasingly watery stare broke him. "Luke . . . when I got here, I asked if it were possible the baby wasn't mine. He said Lorelai told him you'd never been with a guy other than me. That's how I know."

"Why would she tell him that?" Rory demanded to know, seeming to miss Jess's admission that he'd questioned his role in recent events.

"I don't know," he shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does!" Rory shrieked. "You weren't supposed to know that!"

"Why not?"

"Because! You've been with all these girls, and I've only been with you. I didn't want you to think I was a prude or frigid or something." Her breathing was bordering on hyperventilation.

Jess rubbed her back in an effort to calm her down. "Rory . . . the stuff we've done . . . I know you're not either of those things."

She blushed and allowed a small smile to curve her lips before shaking her head and reclaiming some of her hysteria. "Well, fine . . . so maybe I don't like the idea of you with other girls, so I wanted you to be uncomfortable too. That's why I didn't tell you!"

"Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than knowing you've got nothing but me to compare to," he snarled back. "That's ridiculous pressure on me, Rory!"

Shoving him away, Rory glared at him. "So you want me to run out and sleep with someone else to make you feel better?"

"Shit, no!" Jess resisted the urge to scream wordlessly and instead questioned her, "Why are we fighting about this?"

"I don't know, you started it!"

"I did not!"

"Yes, you did!" she protested, climbing to her feet. "All I wanted to do was see if you were okay, and you snapped my head off!"

"No, I didn't!" Jess stood also, prepared to chase her if she stormed off as was her habit with him when emotions ran high. "You're the one who started yelling first!"

"Well, I don't know how to help you!" Rory cried, tears finally spilling down her cheeks. "I don't know what you need!"

"I'm not the one that needs help with this!" Jess shouted, his voice cracking. "You are. I'm just the one that destroys everything. I'm beyond helping."

She brushed a hand across her wet face. "What are you talking about, Jess? Where is all this coming from?" she asked quietly. "Haven't you been telling me this isn't anyone's fault?"

"That's not what everyone back in your living room thinks, your grandparents, your dad, even Lorelai. They all blame me for this, think I'm not good enough for you, and maybe they're right." Jess's head tipped back, and he blinked rapidly in an obvious move to keep himself from crying. "All I ever do is hurt you. You used to be this perfect . . . shit, I don't even have the right word for it . . . and now you're in pain and everyone's mad, and I caused it."

Rory watched as Jess's face crumpled more and more as he talked, but there was one thing he wouldn't allow, that he kept fighting. "Jess," she asked softly, "why won't you let yourself cry?"

"Because I don't deserve it," he rasped. "This is my fault, so I shouldn't get to be upset about it." He looked away from Rory after saying that, shutting his eyes tightly and coughing around the break in his voice.

She couldn't watch him battle a breakdown anymore. Rory moved quickly so he wouldn't have time to back away from her and wrapped her arms around Jess. He fought to break the hold of her arms, but she held him firmly and drew his head down to her shoulder. Jess went limp against her and slid down her body, his arms coming up to circle her waist as his knees hit the bridge with a hollow thud.

"I'm sorry," he whispered against her abdomen. "I'm so, so sorry."

Rory's eyes fluttered shut, and her throat closed at the guilt in Jess's voice. Her hands sifted soothingly through his hair in a effort to comfort him as he clutched her tighter. When the dampness of his tears seeped through the hem of her shirt, Rory started crying again and bent to kiss the crown of Jess's bowed head. His arms loosened a bit allowing her to sit again, and he didn't protest when she moved to cradle his head in her lap.

They sat there together on the bridge, clutching at each other and crying, finally letting go of their misplaced guilt and mourning all of their losses

* * *

Author's Notes the Second: No ETA on the next chapter, but please leave a review on this one. Noting motivates like knowing there's someone waiting to see what happens next. 


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